Deep Breathing

I need to meditate more often. The only time I feel like I can really get into it is at bedtime when I'm undisturbed and my mind isn't wandering so much. The last five months have been cleansing for me - no work stress, no negative life sucking vortex, a separation that was a blessing in disguise. I have been busily reverting to stay at home mom mode (love it love it) but today I had a minor setback. See, I am a worrier and I tend to worry about things I cannot control. Obsessively even. I need to teach myself how to stop doing that. I have a great book I've been trying to read (ha going on 3 months now!) called The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather. It's been a godsend and I wish I had more time to read it. I think I'm only a third of the way through, if that. Prayer also does it for me too. My meditatations are often prayers of gratitude. So in this situation I cannot control, I guess I will have to do one of a few things: Give it to God to deal with, Pray for the courage to accept what is best for me and the things I cannot change, and/or jump into the book and read some more. Maybe blogging this helped just a little bit. One thing that ALWAYS makes me feel better is the support of Dan. If he's not bothered by it, why should I be? In the end, as long as we have our health, our family, and each other, then we are good to go.

Dentist

Ian had his first dentist appointment this morning, at 7:45!! lol - Danny took him so I could get a couple more hours of shut eye before my class today. Dan said he loved the office - an underwater theme complete with fish toys, games, lots of paint on the walls, and he was blessed with Little Einsteins on the overhead TV. No cavaties (of course!) and teeth look great! He behaved the entire time with a minor exception for the little mirror in his mouth. He earned himself a new toothbrush and a Thomas the Train sticker. He goes back in 6 months.

Right now, both boys are napping peacefully. Ian has a little cold (runny nose with a periodic cough) that kept him up last night :(

6 Weeks

It's sneaking by... 6 more weeks! :)

And More Gymboree!

Ian went to his second Gymboree session today. He loves it. The expressions on his face are priceless. He runs, plays, and interacts with the other kids. There is free play and semi structured play too. Today, Janie & Steve came to watch and Ian talked them into a Bubble Set as well as a Harmonica, lol - (so he didn't but they were generous in buying those things for him - Thanks again!). He has one more free session and then we will sign him up for weekly classes.

Dan

I have had many moments where I silently thank God for my husband. I really do think I am the most blessed wife. My love for him is so overwhelming that sometimes, the only way I can express it is through tears (like the Hallmark commercial kind). He makes me that happy. I often tell Ian, "Do you know that your Daddy is a good man? Do you know how much he loves us?" and Ian sort of looks at me with intent, like he understands. I can't imagine where I would be without Dan. My world with him is filled with compassion, love, trust, acceptance. He is my rock, my joy, my life. Sometimes I just look at him for long moments and realize how grateful I am to have him. He is the perfect husband and father.

I love you Dan O'Brien and I am so excited for our next adventure. Thank you for loving me and thank you for taking care of our family.

3 Squeezes

Dinners

With Ian's pending arrival, Dan and I considered going to Dinner's Ready or Dream Dinners and getting some prepped food ready for the upcoming weeks. Granted, it would be cheaper to do it all myself - slave away in the kitchen in the upcoming weeks to prepare for the postpartum nights of no energy to cook, but there is something pampering about food that someone else has made for you. We never got around to visiting these dinner prep places and now that Darby is almost here, I am considering it again. Spokane has both a Dream Dinners and a Dinner's Ready. Menus vary, prices vary but I'm seriously contemplating making a commitment. I have heard great things about both of these kitchens. Of course, the price is a bit intimidating but maybe it's worth it for 2 weeks of ease - being able to pop a gourmet meal into the oven.

If it doesn't happen, I guess there's always Schwans.

:)

Late Nights

I miss my E Man even though he's right upstairs, snoozing in his bed. All I want is to cuddle him. I love snuggling with him while he's sleeping, yet I hate it when I'm sleeping because he punches and kicks in his sleep and that is especially painful to the tummy, but when he's sleeping and I'm just watching him sleep, it's a beautiful thing. Last night, as Dan and I were laying in bed, in the dark, with Ian in the middle, softly snoring, I reminded him how fleeting these moments are. I am already missing them and they aren't even gone yet. I wish I could just hold my little guy forever. Pretty soon just the three of us will become the four of us and sometimes I wonder if we were too selfish in increasing the family size this soon. Have I had enough solo time with my boy? I feel similar to how McKenzie felt right before Savannah was born. I worry that by having another baby, I am taking away important mommy time from Ian. I know this is unfounded and seems silly, yet it's a feeling I can't control. I love this boy more than life itself and can't imagine duplicating that feeling for another little human being, but the reality is, I KNOW it will happen. I just need to feel it happen to believe it.

I love you Ian.